Want to be driven insane? Go Christmas Shopping!

Have you ever experienced being in the middle of a stampede?

Well I have and it is not a happy experience.

 

On one cold, fateful, December, Saturday morning, I, like few others, was practically forced to go shopping with my mum. I had obviously been shopping with her before; this time was different. It was the Christmas season - also called, ‘the time of the mad rush of late shopping.’ Even from the Tesco car park, I knew it was going to be busy.

After driving around the large grey square for forever, we finally found a space to which the car came to a halt.

Walking in was like walking into a pack of rabid wolves. Busy housewives: rushing around to get Christmas dinner ingredients and last minute presents. Older women: rushing about with their ‘basket on wheels’.

 

Now there’s one thing you should know about older people doing Christmas shopping-they’re serious. Seriously slow! I mean they could at least move to the side so ‘bored to tears’ shoppers could get past, get what they need and go. I don’t want to be traipsing around behind them when I could be at home, especially when it’s extremely busy. It’s like walking into my own episode of Antiques Roadshow. They are like statues. Yes I know it’s not their fault and they can’t walk as fast as they used to; the ones in the electric wheelchairs could at least turn the speed up a little.

 

Another thing that makes me slightly mad is the fact that the people in the ‘supposed to be whizzing chairs’, take up the whole aisle. Instead of OAP’s, they should be called OAH - Old Aisle Hoggers. You might think I’m being over the top but this is literally what it’s like. Just move to the side please!

Little children are a problem too. Are they really a necessity to the ‘Art of Christmas Shopping?’ They run around, making the entire cluster of elderly scowl, knocking all the items of the shelves. What’s even worse is that they help themselves to the pick’n’ mix without paying for it and their parents don’t seem to mind as it shuts them up. So if you wanted any sweets, tough luck! They’ve already been scoffed down by a greedy 5 years old.

 

Screaming. That’s what you hear when around an angry, needy, upset or grumpy child. Tears streaming down their faces, excess goo hanging down out of their noses, screeching “I want! I want! I want!”- It’s not a happy sight. Then due to the madness of whatever aisle that specific child is in, you avoid it so you don’t end up with a banging headache so bad that you want to pull your own hair out. You can still hear it though. The aftermath of the screaming, which is the yelling of the parents. Both yelling and screaming echoing through your supposedly enjoyable experience of shopping.

 

That’s not the end of it though. The children! When they’re slightly older, they make a simple shop turn into Planet of the Apes. Climbing in and out of trolleys, pushing other people’s or their parent’s trolleys into you or the, in this case, unfortunate elderly. By the end of the shop, you know you’ll end up with bruises due to the misbehaved ‘darlings.’

 

By the time you actually get round to doing some actual shopping without distractions, you find the products misplaced and unorganised. The shampoos scattered on the shelf between body wash and bubble bath. Then you find the odd item mixed in with the wrong thing: a carton of orange juice in with the pork chops, a child’s glove in with the crisp packets.

 

So, would you want to risk shopping in the 'Season of Goodwill?'